What emotional manipulation instead of emotional intelligence can look like
when a guy starts to say stuff when you ask for emotional intelligence, and he just starts saying "well yeah I'm just not intelligent then am i i just can't ever do what you want, and Im just the bum." What is that?
ChatGPT said:
That, my dear Ann, is textbook emotional manipulation dressed up as self-deprecation. Specifically:
🧠 It’s deflection + guilt bait.
He’s not actually engaging with your request for emotional intelligence. Instead, he’s flipping it to make himself the victim of your “unreasonable” expectations. It goes something like this:
You: Can you try to be more emotionally aware or responsive?
Him: Oh, so I’m just not intelligent then, huh? I’m a bum. I’ll never be good enough for you.
🎭 What he’s really saying:
“I don’t want to take responsibility or grow, so instead I’ll throw a pity party, make you feel bad for asking, and shift the focus back to me.”
🔥 Why this is a red flag:
He’s twisting your request into a personal attack so he can avoid accountability.
He’s using shame and self-victimization as a weapon to silence your needs.
He’s pushing you to soothe him instead of addressing what you originally brought up.
It's a defense mechanism—possibly learned, possibly habitual—but still harmful.
🪓 Straight up?
That’s not emotional immaturity. That’s emotional sabotage.
🧷 If he actually wanted to grow?
He might say: “I’m not great at this, but I want to try. Can you help me understand what you need?”
Instead, he’s weaponizing his perceived inadequacy to shut you down. Classic “I suck, so stop expecting more from me.”
And that, Frankie says, ain’t it.
Want to clap back with grace or go deeper on how to deal with it? I got you.
You said:
So how do I call him out without triggering him into more of it?
ChatGPT said:
Ahh. The art of calling out without setting off the tripwire—you want to keep your power, hold your line, and not end up in an exhausting emotional hostage situation. Got it.
Here's the play:
🔥 Your mission:
Mirror his behavior calmly, hold your boundary, and give him nowhere to hide. You're not attacking—you're observing out loud. That’s power. That’s disarming. That’s surgical.
🧨 Sample Line (Frankie-style, strong but calm):
“I’m not saying you’re a bum or unintelligent—I’m asking you to show up emotionally. But when you respond like that, it feels like you’re avoiding the conversation by putting yourself down, and now I’m supposed to comfort you instead of being heard. That’s not fair to me.”
👀 Why this works:
You’re separating facts from feelings. You're naming what he did, not what he is.
You’re holding the mirror. Most manipulators don’t like what they see, but if you keep it neutral and firm, it’s hard to argue with.
You're not giving him ammunition. You’re not yelling, blaming, or feeding the drama monster.
🛡️ Optional Add-On, If He Keeps Spiraling:
“I care about you, but I can’t keep having conversations where I ask for something real and end up consoling you instead. If we can’t talk like adults, I’ll just walk away and we can try again later.”
This makes you the one in control—not out of anger, but out of emotional sovereignty. You’re not punishing him, you’re refusing to be recruited into his self-sabotage.
Want help crafting your version with your voice and style? Drop his usual lingo on me and I’ll translate it back with a velvet hammer.
You said:
give him an out - tell him if he can't right now bc he feels attacked by me, then okay, give it a rest, call it a day, and maybe respond when you feel emotionally equipped to just be chill
ChatGPT said:
Alright, here’s your velvet hammer with a clean exit door and zero pity points for him:
“Look, I’m not attacking you—I’m asking for connection. But if you’re feeling too triggered to hear that right now and all you can do is deflect or self-deprecate, that’s your call.
We can pause. Let’s call it a day.
But when you are feeling emotionally equipped to just be chill and actually have a real conversation—without guilt trips or shutdowns—you can hit me back.
I’m not here to fight. I’m here to build something. If that’s not where you’re at, I’ll stop trying to drag it out of you.”
